I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
time to smoke my breakfast
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
