Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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