Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
