omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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