Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
