I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
