just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize