I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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