R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
