My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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