U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
