Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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