I think im going to throw up on grandma
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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