how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
