I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
