There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
