In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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