Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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