you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
