I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
