don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
