just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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