remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
that is very illegal...i love you.
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