she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
