I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
