Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I just put wine in my tea
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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