i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
