i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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