people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
