getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
