ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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