Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
