dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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