Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
should my penis look like a turkey
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
