and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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