just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She said her name was "party"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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