didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
