I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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