my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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