Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
