they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
