just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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