i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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