i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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