I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
