fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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