her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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