Plan B is the new Plan A
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sex in a hospital.. check
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
