Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
