In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
