she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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