You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize