I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
