So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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