I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
