So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
