I want to have your abortion
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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