I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You're like the curious george of whores
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
