I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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