and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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