dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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