He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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