Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize