I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
