Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
