Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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