just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
