I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
