I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
