its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She even gives head with a lisp.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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