Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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