Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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