Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
